The Cost of Feedback Avoidance and What to Do About It

Russian immigrant Rose Blumkin arrived in Omaha, Nebraska in 1917 as a 24-year old with $66 in her pocket and spoke virtually no English. In 1933, she opened a furniture business in the basement of her home. At first, the business helped her family make ends meet, but over time, she built Nebraska Furniture Mart into a billion-dollar empire that Warren Buffett acquired 50 years later, referring to it as “the ideal business.”

Although Rose’s work ethic and business acumen were legendary, neither were sufficient to explain her remarkable, sustained success. The difference-maker? She was a straight shooter who was crystal-clear in her expectations of others and quick to offer direct feedback to correct those who missed the mark.

After Blumkin’s passing in 1998 at the age of 104, the New York Times reported that her credo was “sell cheap, tell the truth, don’t cheat nobody.”

Rose believed that excellence required calling things as she saw them, when she saw them. For example, when she detected that a truckload of carpet delivered by a supplier was slightly underweight–just by the “feel” of the carpet–she called the carpet mill and confronted the situation directly. The mill’s investigation into the issue led to their discovery of a criminal enterprise within their own operation, which likely would not have been found without her feedback.

If she saw it or felt it, she said it—because she believed it was the right thing to do.

Blumkin’s directness wasn’t cruel or mean-spirited; rather, it came from a place of caring and holding high standards. As we’ll see, clear, direct feedback is a form of genuine kindness—something many modern leaders don’t grasp.

An Epidemic of Feedback Avoidance

In contrast to Rose Blumkin’s approach, I’ve noted a far less productive pattern among senior leaders: they systematically avoid giving direct feedback. The excuses ring familiar to me now:

“We’re too busy.” “I see my people all the time and they know what I think.” “They’re doing so many other things really well.” “We already have too many meetings.”

But the real issue behind this epidemic of feedback avoidance isn’t time or proximity or justification. It’s fear.

Three core fears prevent leaders from giving necessary corrective feedback:

Fear of conflict: “Am I going to upset this person and damage our relationship?”

Fear of retaliation: “If I ‘criticize’ them, they are likely to name my faults too.”

Fear of disruption: “Why rock the boat when everything else is okay?”

How can you reasonably expect anyone to improve if you don’t provide clear, specific feedback regarding what they need to change about their behavior? Even the highest-performing employees aren’t mind readers, and yet they–like you–have areas to improve.

Kindness vs. Honesty is a False Choice

Here’s where many leaders get it fundamentally wrong: they believe caring about someone personally outweighs their obligation to provide feedback—especially direct, corrective feedback.

In fact, the opposite is true.

Think of it this way: If you’re having lunch with a colleague who has something stuck in their teeth, what’s the kind, right thing to do before you say goodbye? Tell them–despite the slight risk of their momentary embarrassment. True caring demands speaking up to help others.

To that end, when you see someone repeating a mistake or working inefficiently or behaving in a way that makes others uncomfortable, it’s genuinely kind to help them learn, grow, and improve based on your experience.

When you claim to “care about people” but stay silent when they’re slipping up, you’re actually harming them (and, in many cases, the rest of your team) by prioritizing your own comfort over theirs. Consider the hypocrisy:

Of saying you value “learning and growth” while withholding feedback that facilitates growth.
Of saying you value “people and relationships” while denying those same people information that will help them.
Of saying you value “honesty” while not being honest with your team about their performance and/or behaviors.

Don’t fall for the false choice. Kindness and honesty are one and the same for high-impact leaders.

The High Cost of Avoiding Feedback

Your people aren’t the only ones who pay the price when you deny them feedback.

As you’ve no doubt experienced at some point in your career, avoiding relatively small course corrections today inevitably escalates into the need for a major intervention over time and the outsized cost that accompanies it. There’s a vast difference between a “Can I talk to you for a moment?” course correction conversation and a formal performance improvement process that became necessary because you avoided addressing issues as they occurred.

Further, feedback avoidance creates toxic ripple effects, damaging team dynamics and organizational culture. As others see you tolerate subpar performance or inappropriate behavior, frustration builds, performance drifts, and the problem itself becomes normalized, which is hardly the stuff of a high-performing firm.

The personal toll on leadership is also significant. When you carry unexpressed frustrations while knowing you lack the integrity to say what needs to be said, the cognitive dissonance can be exhausting—undermining your own confidence and effectiveness in the role.

You owe it to your team and to yourself to lean-in and normalize direct feedback. Here’s how.

How to Provide Effective Feedback

Feedback expert LeeAnn Renninger developed a research-based approach that I’ve been using and teaching to clients for years with great effect. Her four-part formula works for both positive and corrective feedback:

Ask for permission to give feedback.
Share data using specific instances of behavior.
Show the impact of the behavior.
End with a question to create engagement and commitment.

This framework removes the guesswork and emotional charge from feedback conversations. You can learn more about LeeAnn’s research and the four-part feedback process in this short video.

Shifting from Avoidance to Action

Rose Blumkin’s feedback was effective because it was immediate, specific, and standards-based. She didn’t let issues fester or hope they would resolve themselves: when she saw something, she said something.

Start your shift by using LeeAnn Renninger’s four-part process to provide much more frequent course correction feedback to your team. Next, over time, implement a regular one-on-one meeting rhythm with each of your direct reports.

I’ve seen many senior leaders transform their impact by implementing one-on-one meetings with their team. The most recent of these was a CEO who, after completing his first round of conversations using this approach, told me they were the best one-on-one meetings he’d ever experienced. His realization was both simple and profound: “I just need to lead,” he said, referring to his clearer expectations and willingness to be direct with corrective feedback.

Use these steps to implement a one-on-one meeting rhythm:

Distinguish between casual interactions and intentional one-on-ones–they’re not the same.
Aim for a 30-minute one-on-one session with each direct report weekly.
If you can’t start there, begin with meetings every other week (or twice per month).
Don’t consume the meeting time with status reports or “how to” coaching, but rather by sharing feedback and helping them continually improve.
Ask each member of your team to create the agenda for their one-on-ones in the form of 3 to 5 bullet points highlighting where they feel “stuck” or “challenged.”
Make it a habit to ask THEM to give YOU feedback during these conversations as well!

These sessions are an INVESTMENT that pays dividends in the form of clearer, higher-impact communication, a more capable team, more bandwidth for leaders whose capacity was previously consumed by “managing,” and a reduction in the number of ad hoc day-to-day interactions initiated by your team. You’ll also normalize the one-on-one process and regular, direct feedback throughout the organization, further multiplying the positive effects.

Conclusion

“When we make progress and get better at something, it is inherently motivating. In order for people to make progress, they have to get feedback and information on how they’re doing.” – Daniel Pink

Rose Blumkin seemed to know what, decades later, research would show: there’s a direct, causal correlation between high expectations and high performance. People tend to rise to meet clear, high standards when they understand what’s expected of them. Corrective feedback clarifies the standards, which most people appreciate knowing.

If you truly care about your people’s growth, how can you possibly avoid this?

The leadership imperative is clear: Your team’s development, the ultimate sustained success of your enterprise, and your own integrity all depend on your willingness to speak up and normalize corrective feedback.

Rose understood this. She built an empire not despite her directness, but because of it. Her legacy reminds us that the kindest thing you can do is help someone understand how they can become better than they are today.

In other words: when you see it or feel it, say it.

You can hear more about Rose’s remarkable story on Shane Parrish’s Knowledge Project Podcast, episode #227: “Outliers: Rose Blumkin—Women of Berkshire Hathaway.”

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